Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize