You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
