We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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