ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
