who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont even know how to be here
she told me i tasted like america
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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