just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
