i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
