Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
