i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
