i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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