He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
