my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
