He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
