Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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