i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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