Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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