just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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