Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
