I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
