yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
