WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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