i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
