I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
