I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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