Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
