I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
