I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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