it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
