I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
