i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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