grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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