so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
