I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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