She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
