I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize