dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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