I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
