just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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