What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
