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i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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