dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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