I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
