Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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