I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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