I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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