he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
