I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
