worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
