Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
