Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
