theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
