the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
