Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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