Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
