I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
