The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
