Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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