margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
