Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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