What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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