dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
