I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
