Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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