in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
