I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
