it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
