drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
