you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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