i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
