You made me cry and you don't even care
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
