Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
