I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
