wanna go halves on a baby?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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