You really coming over, don't trick.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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