I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
