I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
