This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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