Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
