ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
