my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
