Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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