Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
