this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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