is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
