Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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