You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
