You made me cry and you don't even care
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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