I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
