I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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