He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
