Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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