She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
