So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
